NURSE 3D (2013)

RATED- R
RUN TIME- 84 Mins
WRITER(S)- Douglas Aarniokoski and David Loughery
STARRING- Kathleen Turner, Katrina Bowden, and Judd Nelson
DIRECTOR- Douglas Aarniokoski



Synopsis taken from IMDb
Day by day Abby Russell is a dedicated nurse, someone you wouldn't hesitate to trust your life with. But by night, her real work begins...using her smoldering sexuality she lures cheating men to their brutal deaths and exposes them for who they really are. When a younger nurse starts to suspect Abby's actions and compromises her master plan, Abby must find a way to outsmart her long enough to bring the cheater you'd least expect to justice.




The opening minutes of this feature tells you all you need to know and sets the mood. It's provocative, and very feminist, a flick about a woman who kills men in savage ways to punish them for their infidelity. Now, I typically don't go for movies like this unless there's some revenge at the end on behalf of those who meet their demise. However, I was told by several friends who've seen this that it's worth the watch, so I sat it out. It was also brought to my attention that there's a sequel in the works, so I figure now would be as good a time as any to give this one a viewing.

I didn't actually watch this in 3D, but it goes over just fine in basic 2D. I can see the appeal of three dimensional films, but they're totally overrated. There's some pretty grueling kills that are both bloody and creative. An armory of hospital equipment is at the disposal of Abby (Paz de la Huerta), and she uses things like needles and saws to bring men to justice. Some of these murders would go over quite well in 3D, and you can tell a lot of them were designed to jump off the screen at you. But what I was really impressed with was the amount of blood used, especially at the end.

A quote Abby says towards the beginning of the film that got a laugh out of me is: "This job is more than sticking thermometers in butts and looking pretty". Such things make the viewer realize that this is supposed to be a fun experience, and not a very serious one. It's important to note such things because when you read most reviews about this movie, you'll read that it's not very well liked and you can see that those judging it tried to take it seriously, but I didn't. Being a film laced with dark humor doesn't make it a better film, it just goes over better when watching. Believe me, if I judged this movie as a whole and didn't take into account that it's humor is intentional, I'd hate it.

Niecy Nash is in this playing the role as nurse Regina. Most of you know Nash from her role on Comedy Central's "Reno 911". Nash is funny as usual, and adds a nice comedic touch to the film. And Judd Nelson plays the head doctor, Dr. Morris. He's a well-endowed man who sleeps with nurses as blackmail. Upon seeing him and finding this out, it was obvious to assume that he'd meet his end.

There's a lot of nudity. Gratuitous nudity, that is unnecessary. By all means, I'm a heterosexual man who's engaged to be married and loves women. But even I've gotta say that the nakedness throughout this film is a bit absurd. There's not as much sex as there is bare skin showed, but there's sex too. Abby has a thing for ladies, so we get to see some lesbian scenes that are openly a selling factor. It's almost like the filmmakers said 'well, if we're making a lame horror movie, the least we can do is give everyone a ton of nakedness and sex so they'll still have a reason to watch'.

Love making and nudity in movies are the same as gore to me, it's hardly ever needed, but it works when it's used appropriately. But, seeing as I watch "Boardwalk Empire", I knew that Paz de la Huerta isn't afraid of showing it all. I think I've seen her more naked than with clothes on. That's an exaggeration, but you get what I'm saying...

This movie isn't all boobs, blood and guts though. We actually get a little history lesson on Abby's past and learn that she's not who she says she is. In fact, she had a troublesome family and past, in which we get flashbacks towards the latter end of the picture. To prove her insanity, the viewer sees that despite how wrong her doings are, she really believes that she's doing the right thing. And she's as obsessive as she is nutty. This reminds me of "Single White Female" a lot because of the way she develops a fixation for younger nurse, Danni (Katrina Bowden) and ambushes everything good in her life while trying to play the best friend role.

Things change when Danni starts to catch on to Abby's wrongdoings and looks into her past, revealing the shocking truth. But Danni doesn't do this for no good reason, she does it after realizing what a weirdo Abby is, and how Abby has been sending her pictures anonymously online that are inappropriate, trying to break Danni and her boyfriend up. Once Danni goes to the cops, Abby easily manipulates the cops and Danni like she does everyone else and frames Danni for all the murder occurrences. Only problem is that Danni won't go down without a fight. There's a good amount of suspense, but it's not very scary. It's a fun movie, but it's definitely more thriller than anything.

The finale goes down in the hospital in which both Danni and Abby work, which I didn't expect. And it gets extremely messy with blood. Crimson flows everywhere. There's a scissor kill by Abby that is by far my favorite in the whole movie. It's painful to watch,even though it's quick. Some unexpected people die in the third act, and Abby cements herself as the woman you love to hate.

It all ties up in an upbeat way that leaves you with some dark humor and plenty of room for a sequel. And in this movie, there's undoubtedly the sexiest torture scene you'll ever see.

So, the question is how do I rate this one? Seeing as I know what kind of movie it is, I'm not going to judge it based on nonsense things, like the fact that it isn't a serious movie. However, even taking it as it is, it's still not a very good movie aside from it being fun. Yeah, there's some laughs and some gross kills and gore that will surely get a reaction out of you, but that's about all there is to it. It's only entertaining for the duration it's on, and then it's forgotten. So, for the simple fact that I could sit through this once and enjoy it, I'm not going to mash it to pieces.

2.5 stars out of 5

Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)

"Evil has many faces"

RATED- R

RUN TIME- 92 MINS

WRITER(S)- ADAM MARCUS AND DEBRA SULLIVAN

STARRING- ALEXANDRA DADDARIO, TANIA RAYMONDE AND SCOTT EASTWOOD

DIRECTOR- JOHN LUESSENHOP

Synopsis taken from IMDb

A young woman travels to Texas to collect an inheritance; little does she know that an encounter with a chainsaw-wielding killer is part of the reward. 

STORY: This film isn't a remake like I was expecting, it's a sequel to the original 1974 classic. The movie starts off with a quick summary of what happened in the original film with clips of the madness and chaos that went down. This film picks up right after Sally escapes, showing you the hell that was brought down on Leatherface and his family. A lynch mob shows up and overrides police procedure and burn the house down along with everyone in it. A lone woman escapes with her infant newborn and one of the townsfolk there take the child and bring it home to raise as their own.

Now in present day, Heather Miller (Alexandra Dadddario) is living with her boyfriend, Ryan (Trey Songz) and they receive a knock on the door. When Ryan answers the door all he sees is a letter addressed to Heather. Once opening, Heather finds that she's inherited  a house in Texas, so she and her friends go on a trip to check the house out after confronting her parents and finding out she's adopted. At first glance Heather and her friends love the house and are insistent on celebrating, but little do they know that there's a madman known as Leatherface residing in the basement, he somehow escaped the fire from 1974 that burnt his house to the ground. 

Once Leatherface is let loose and the chaos begins, Heather's friends start dying off quickly and it's up to her to escape the madness and run for her life.Leatherface is hellbent on getting revenge on all of the townsfolk who killed his family and burned his house down. Heather does some research and finds out the truth about her past, her real family and who Leatherface is, but what part does she play in all of this?

Heather (Daddario) runs for her life from the masked man known as Leatherface.

ACTING: The acting in this movie is pretty horrendous with just about no effort put into it. It's rushed, it's weak and it's disappointing, but it's nothing short of what I expected from this unnecessary and obsolete film.

KILLS/GORE: The kills were lackluster, nothing new or innovative. Just the same old same that we've seen. The lack of originality really crippled this film, with nothing but the same stuff we've seen before and done better this film doesn't have a leg to stand on. There is a lot of gore in this film, but that's to be expected. Gore can't save a movie, you need more than that.

OVERALL: This film is far, far inferior to the Platinum Dunes 2003 remake and the prequel that came out in 2006. This film is nonessential and forgettable. This is just Hollywood milking another franchise for ever drop it's worth and this well has run dry. The only thing saving me from absolutely hating this movie was the fact that I had no expectations going into it, so I wasn't let down. If you want to see this film for the sake of seeing a good horror movie then save your money. If you want to see a movie that is mildly entertaining and fun to watch with friends, then you should check this out.

 At the going rate of a movie ticket these days I suggest you all wait 'til it comes out on DVD and rent it at Redbox for $1.22, that's about what it's worth. It's only saving grace was getting to see Alexandra Daddario for 90 minutes.

THIS FILM GETS 2 REAPER SKULLS OUT OF 5 

 

 

Dredd 3D (2012)

RATED-R

RUN TIME- 95 MINS

WRITERS- CARLOS EZQUERRA, ALEX GARLAND AND JOHN WAGNER

STARRING- KARL URBAN, OLIVIA THIRLBY AND LENA HEADEY

DIRECTOR- PETE TRAVIS

Synopsis taken from IMDb

The future America is an irradiated wast land. On it's East Coast, running from Boston to Washington DC, lies Mega City One- a vast, violent metropolis where criminals rule the chaotic streets. The only force of order lies with the urban cops called "Judges" who possess the combined powers of  judge, jury and instant executioner.  Known and feared throughout the city, Dredd is the ultimate judge, challenged with ridding the city of its latest scourge- a dangerous drug epidemic that has users of "Slo-Mo" experiencing reality at a fraction of its normal speed. During a routine day on the job, Dredd is assigned to train and evaluate Cassandra Anderson, a rookie with psychic abilities thanks to a genetic mutation. A heinous crime calls them to a neighborhood where fellow judges rarely dare to venture- a 200 story vertical slum controlled by prostitute turned drug lord Ma-Ma and her ruthless clan. 

This is a film I've wanted to see since I first saw the trailer for it. To me, it looked fun, action-packed and violent as hell. So I was stoked to see how this movie would turn out. However, I didn't get to see it opening weekend due to being overbooked, so I had to miss out on seeing it opening weekend. So you can imagine my surprise to find out that this movie bombed at the box office! I guess I was alone in thinking this movie looked like a great time.

Despite the film coming in 6th place opening weekend and only grossing around 6 million dollars, I was still eager to see it. I don't let what critics or grossing's judge movies for me, I listen to what's being said about the film but I never let someone else's opinion become the reason for not seeing a movie. So I made a plan to see it this past Sunday with some of my close friends so that after Dredd was over we could still make it for the Dexter season 7 premiere after. It was a good Sunday.

Wanna know what else made my Sunday even better? Dredd 3D was awesome! The movie didn't let me and my friends down one bit, regardless of it's doings a the box office we loved it and were completely satisfied. Karl Urban played a mean Judge Dredd. The casting was spot on, I liked all the characters and the people who played them.

Lena Headey, who I think is a beautiful talented actress was made hideous for her role in this film, bearing rotten teeth from drugs and a nasty deep scar running under her right eye across the cheek. However, this made me love her role even more! Because she's not relying on her beauty to make the part, she has to show true acting in this role, all beauty stripped away. It also shows the parts she's willing to play and I love her for that. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, 300 and Dredd 3D. Lena's definitely my kind of actress.

I also loved Cassandra Anderson's character. She was a rookie only used to using her psychic powers and is thrown into a situation where she has to fight for her life and watch people be killed in front of her. You see the look of shock on her face and the doubts of if she chose the right career. But sooner or later she's gotta either kill or be killed.

The gore in this movie was spectacular! It was like The Punisher: War Zone, only this movie was ten times better. The violence was off the chart, and the best part was it was in 3D. I think my new favorite thing in life may be watching people kick some ass in 3D. Making Dredd a 3D movie was definitely a good call. I don't usually go for 3D movies, but this one was worth it.

Dredd punishes his victims, he has no problem pulling the trigger. He sees straight and narrow, you're either right or wrong. If you're a criminal you should watch you back. You may end up with a bullet through your face...

The movie is packed with total action and it's unbelievably awesome. It's just alot of hell being raised and people being killed. This movie is a thrill ride. It even has a pretty good twist to it that I personally, didn't see coming. He's constantly put in impossible situations and it makes for a great, entertaining movie.

The one thing bad that I have to say about this movie is that it's totally a 3D movie. It was made for that. The action scenes, the scenery and the effects. Even the filming sets were made for 3D. So if you don't want to see it in 3D your opinion is probably not going to be as enthusiastic as mine. Go see it in 3D.

This movie was everything I was expecting and I can't wait for the Blu-Ray to be released to watch all of the bonus material. Even though I've never read the Dark Horse comic series I'm now considering it if they're half as good as the movie. I hope they follow through and do a sequel to this film despite it's box office charm-or lack there of.

THIS FILM GETS 3 1/2 REAPERS OUT OF 4