Monday, May 13, 2013

DAY 8: Hellraiser: Revelations (2011)


Synopsis taken form IMDb
In this ninth installment of the Hellraiser franchise, two friends discover a puzzle box in Mexico, which opens a gateway to Hell. Before long, dermatological nightmare Pinhead has returned to make the lives of everyone in his miserable way.

I'm going to put it this way. It's the simplest way I can really phrase it that'll sum it up properly. This series is a really, really old dog and it's had it's day and it's claim to fame. This film takes that weak, depleted dog and walks him around to the back of the barn and pulls the trigger, putting the dog out of it's misery. Only this dog died very undignified and in a miserable way. Not to offend any animal lovers out there, I'm not trying to say it's okay to kill old dogs, I'm just saying that I'm glad this figurative was put out of it's misery.

The new replacement Pinhead (Stephan Smith Collins) is just bad. I haven't done any reading on the topic but I'm really curious as of why Doug Bradley didn't play the part. I would like to know if it was a decision out of his hands and the studio gave it to someone else to try freshen up the series, or if he just saw the script and threw it in the trash can and walked away. Part of me hopes that he did something close to the latter, but  after the last few films, something tells me it was just out of his hands. Clearly he didn't care how good the movies were or he'd have bailed out by this point. Either way, it was a horrific performance and really just worthy of shaking your head in distaste.

It was cool to see Chatterer back, I was glad that they thew him in there. He was the only thing about this film that holds on to the old films. Everything else is so new and poorly done. They made a movie that looks like it was done on my camcorder. It's freaking porn quality, not even the lighting was right. It is an amateur attempt at making a sequel. Hell, this makes all the sequels look like "The Godfather" in comparison. This is one of those movies that I will truly never watch again. I'd give it away if I won an autographed copy.

The story was so repetitive and I swear you could have hired a 15 year old with an imagination to write it. No creativity went into this film. No likable characters, no character development, poor gore, bad effects, bad makeup and no originality. I'm really glad that this is the last one I'm subjected to watch because after this I don't think I could bring myself to be even remotely interested in this series anymore. 

The acting in this film is appallingly bad. I can't believe that the series has sunken this low, to have film that doesn't hold up in any way. And to think I laughed at how the guy from the Allstate Insurance commercials was in a previous film. Atleast he's an actor and not some kid with no or next to no experience as an actor. The apple has fallen far from the tree...

The script is so bad I didn't care about a damn thing in this movie. I laughed it off and impatiently waited for it to be over. Not a scare or an impressive mark about it. It's incredibly bad. I imagine that the crew all met in production and came to the decision to make the worst movie they can make. Thank God I'm finished with this series. Thanks to all my followers who read these reviews. Hopefully some time will pass and people will come across these reviews on my site and view them and respect the heart ache I put myself through (laugh).

I'll be back tomorrow with something new!



  1. I'll probably be laughed off the internet for this, but I actually ended up enjoying this one. I know the budget is less than the price of a kick to the balls, but it did have some Hellraiser-esque qualities about it.

    Fun review though and I understand your heartache, as I to went through the series one time. Actually in one full day, but I did it for a girl. I don't see that girl anymore.

  2. I can't sympathize with your liking of this film but I can definitely sympathize with you on making this sacrifice for a girl. Sometimes we do stupid things lol

  3. to be fair, this one wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been, really took a step back and went back to the spirit of the first one, everybody hated it, but to me it was probably the best since the 4e, hell, i'd even say the new pinhead did an okay job, but all in all, it ended up being pretty boring and didn't move the plot forward, an idea that has been abandoned since the 4e movie apparently

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